This is my son's first year in a public school. For the last 3 years he has been in a Montessori school that we adored. But, alas, they only went up to a specific grade, so I was forced to look for other options. I chose his school carefully, I researched, I called, I toured, I crunched numbers. It was exhausting, but I wanted to make sure that I made the correct choice. In the end, mostly fueled by a lack of funds, my choices became private Catholic school or public school. I had really considered Catholic school for a while, but decided against it, because I had so many battles to fight at home, I didn't want religion to become one. (Mind you, I have no experience of parochial schools save for my 3 years of experience in a Lutheran school as a child.) We started off just fine this school year with some minor adjustments due to the switch from Montessori to traditional school. But religion never came up, at least, not in relation to his new school. And then one day, right around Easter, two things happened. First, in our weekly newsletter was a note telling parents that, this week, the children would be learning about Easter. Say what? In a public school, my child was going to be taught about Easter? What about teaching them about Ostara as well? What about other spring rites and rituals? Where's the equality in that? I discussed it with my partner and with some friends and decided that they were probably just going to talk about bunny rabbits and spring. I would just ask my child what he was learning and try and keep up while making sure what he was learning remained secular. I would let this go for now and see where it went. It seemed fine and the Easter coloring pages (bunnies and chicks) were minimal. About a month later, I was cleaning out my son's backpack (because when I don't do so on a regular basis things happen - things like two month old bananas - talk about gross...) and I found a little blue cross with white polka-dots in his backpack. It appeared to be a decorative cupcake pick. So, I went into his room, where he was playing, and asked him, "Sweetie, where did this come from?" and he replied, "From Carrie's* birthday." "Oh." I replied. He seemed un-phased, which I expected. We'd spoken about the symbol of the cross before. He often refers to it as "the Jesus sign" or "the heaven symbol." I left his room and commenced freak-out mode. I mean, wow! Wow! Now, what if I had brought in a tray of cupcakes with decorative pentacle picks or goddess shaped picks? How would that have gone over? How could the teacher allow this? Fortunately, it was about 6:00 p.m., and since storming the school in protest of a cupcake pick after school hours would probably be frowned upon by law enforcement, I stayed home and calmed down. It got me really thinking about things. Firstly, I'm sure Carrie's mother meant no harm. After all, many of us tend to assume that others are like us and share our thoughts and beliefs. (No? Is it just me?) To her, they were probably just seasonal cupcakes. To her, they were probably just tradition. Though there are people out there would attempt to encourage children to study or ask about Christianity for a reward, she, most likely, isn't one of them. At least, I'm going to assume she isn't until she proves otherwise. Why? Because I like to see the best in people. Secondly, I need to think about where my feelings are coming from. This cupcake pick is a symbol to me. It's a symbol of the culture that we live in that is dominated by a faith that is not only (typically) opposed to mine, but that I feel has oppressed me, as a woman and as a Pagan. To me it feels suffocating and limiting. But that is not what my son sees in this cupcake pick. He sees... a cupcake pick, just another sparkly item to throw in his collection of "stuff." To him, this pick is as innocent as it was most likely meant to be. He sees a "Jesus" or "Heaven" symbol, plain and simple. Right now, at his age, he probably sees these types of things like he sees car manufacturer logos, they just are. They're labels and nothing more. The world is so simple to him right now. I had to remind myself to keep my own prejudices to myself and not impose them on my child, even if my feelings are based on experience. I need to allow my child to see the beauty in faith and allow him to know that he is truly allowed to choose his own religion. Because, really, if I treat this symbol with disdain or make a huge deal about it, how will he know that I will support him if he decides to choose a Christian path? Of course, I will teach him all there is to know about my path, but in the end, it is his choice and he is my son and I will love him no matter what. I never want him to be afraid to tell me about his decisions. Additionally, I want to make sure that he respects and loves people. I would hate to instill a feeling of resentment towards any group of people. Especially if that feeling of resentment is based on my experiences and not his own. This does not mean, however, that I shouldn't expose him to the harsh realities that exist for those who follow a path less taken. Nor does it mean that I shouldn't fight for more equality, not only in the school, but in the world. But not right now. Not over a blue cupcake pick. There are other times and other ways. Maybe, if it becomes an issue, I can pull his teacher aside and have a discussion. But for now, I think I will let it be. What kind of similar situations have you faced? How did you handle them? *I've changed the classmate's name, to protect her identity.
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My son has a new found interest in my beliefs since Beltane, which is wonderful and exciting! I’m absolutely thrilled. For a while there, I was feeling a bit like a fraud, writing about sharing beliefs with children, while my own child couldn’t care less! I suppose that it's true, even though they seem as if they aren't listening, they're still picking up the information we're putting out there. This past week he had a whole slew of questions about the Goddess and the God, why we honor them, and how. As I teach him, I find that I am learning so much. I pulled out what I have deemed my “Witchy Box”, full of herbs, candles, crystals, totems, etc., and started showing him some of the items that I use to represent different aspects of deity. Here is how our conversation went: “Mom, can we light a candle for the Goddess and the God.” Um, YES! (Inside I was more than a little excited that he had suggested this on his own, but of course, I played it cool.) “Absolutely, Sweetheart! Let me see if I can find one.” I pulled out a candle specific to the Horned God, which I found fitting for the time of year. And I kept digging. (I may or may not have a bit of a candle collecting problem…) I was digging, in vain, for a silver candle to represent the Goddess, because, well, tradition. “Mom, are you looking for a Goddess candle?” “Yes, honey, I’m looking for a silver candle. That is the color we use to represent the Goddess.” “Well, how about an orange candle? I think we should use orange.” He pointed his little finger at an orange chime candle that may or may not have been sitting amongst a ridiculous amount of various colored chime candles. “No, Sweetie, we use-” and I looked at his little face and thought, Well why not? Why can’t we use orange? If he is really feeling like orange is right for this, then it is! Intent and intuition over ritual. I used to truly believe and practice that. When did I become so overly ritualistic that I would squash my own son’s intent and intuition? I am such a huge believer of just using what you have, making do, and that the intent and energy you put into any ritual, spell, or prayer will overpower any “wrong” colored candle or "inferior" ingredient substitution. So, we lit the Horned God candle and the orange candle and sat in the glow of the flickering flame, cuddling, and letting all the energy and love wash over us. My little witchlet looked up and smiled at me. It was perfect. Exactly how it should be, orange Goddess candle and all. What have you learned from your little ones lately? Blessings, Rowan
So, I took my child to church last Saturday.
One of my dearest friends has a son who attends a Catholic school, and last Saturday, he had his First Communion. They graciously invited us to the Mass and the lunch afterwards and we accepted. My son has been to the church once before, with his friend, and he had attended a Lutheran service with his grandma. So a Christian church wasn’t unfamiliar to him. But, I still expected him to be bored and antsy. I expected to have to answer a ton of questions that I didn’t know the answers to or didn’t know how to answer at this time. I also expected to have an argument with him on the way home when he wanted to do what his friend was doing and how he wanted to be Catholic because they got to do all of this stuff. I was mistaken. The questions did come, but I was well equipped to answer them. With my Lutheran background, I was able to explain a lot of the items and images he saw around the church. We talked about Noah’s Ark, stained glass windows, angels, incense, altars, and Mother Mary. It was a great little talk. I explained to him that we use some of the same things (candles and incense) and how some feel that Mother Mary is another face of the Goddess. Then the service began. Of course, my little man wanted to participate. He wanted to kneel when everyone knelt (ain’t no leg workout like a Catholic mass! My poor knees and quads!), he insisted on having the Hymn book open and attempting to following along. He watched his friend receive his First Communion and then wanted to get in the line to receive a blessing from the Priest. We walked up together. After the service, he had so many questions about how my beliefs are different from Catholic beliefs. It was a really great learning opportunity for him. I truly want him to choose his own path and, really, this exposure will make that decision, when it comes, and informed and enlightened one. We went to my Circle’s Beltane ritual later that evening. He spent his usual time running around with the other witchlets, enjoying the gorgeous day! He was also quite curious about the altar, and asked a lot of questions. Now, you see, my son doesn’t usually give a flying hoot why we’re at his Auntie’s house, he’s just happy to be with his friends. I always ask him if he would like to participate in the ritual, he always says “no.” This time was different. He stood in our circle, he helped me, when it was my turn to assist in calling the Quarters. He took part in cakes and ale, even repeating in his little voice “may you never hunger” and “may you never thirst.” He helped to anoint the Maypole and then danced around it with so much enthusiasm! It was so exciting for me to see him participating to so fully and paying such close attention. I don’t know if he was inspired by seeing his friend participate in a Catholic ritual, maybe he’s just getting older and becoming more interested, or maybe he was inspired by Mama’s book (he has recently pulled out “What are the Elements” and has been studying it intensely and asking many, many questions). Either way, I’m so pleased that he is learning this and that he feels comfortable asking me questions. I don’t regret taking him to the Catholic mass, it was a great way to expose him to something new, while I was there to support him and answer his questions. I’m often afraid to expose him to religions that I don’t agree with and don’t believe in. And when I think about that fear, I can’t even tell you what it is that I am actually afraid of. I need to be less afraid and let him explore the world. I will raise him to be smart enough to question any religion and choose which one sings to his soul. (Though, really, I kind of hope it’s mine.) Blessings, Rowan |
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July 2015
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