T.S. This year autumn has taken on a more spiritual focus for me. I don't know if that feeling is new, or if I'm just noticing it more this year. Summer has always felt like a more physical season, after all it's a great time to play with the kids, plant and tend a garden, play sports and picnics and swimming. Well lots of options really. But more physical. Fall, though, fall is different. Perhaps it's the emphasis on kids going back to school or maybe the cooler temps that encourage ya to be more contemplative. For me it's the time of year that I love to go for walks (my family likes to think they are cold and stay inside). Waking on my own allows me to let my mind wander and I find myself looking deeper into my spirituality. I dig deeper into myself and read 'deeper' books. It's also the time when I find my kids more cuddly and those deep conversations seem to happen more. Rowan Question: Is Samhain the same as Halloween? For me, they are very, very different. Samhain is a spiritual time for me. As soon as Mabon has ended, I feel a need to turn inwards and focus more on the spiritual. While others are beginning to move their activities inside, I find myself moving outside. The temperature has dropped, but the air is crisp and clean. Many afternoons when the sun is shining, so it's crisp, but not too cold, I'll slide my feet into some cozy wool socks, pour some coffee into a thermos, grab a book, and head outside. Sometimes I'll light a small fire in our tiny fire pit. It's very cozy. This is also my hiking season. Summer hiking is all right, but it's sweaty and buggy. Fall hiking is where it's at. There are fewer bugs and I'm not feeling the trickling stream of sweat pouring down my back or stopping to reapply sunscreen every hour. Most of my hiking supplies are for cold weather. It really is my favorite time of year. I just feel so much closer to the spiritual. By that, I do not mean ancestors, but my relationship with spirit and myself. Samhain is personal and very "inner." Halloween, on the other hand is full of "outer." It's merriment, joy, imagination, and adrenaline. Halloween is a societal allowance to step out of the mundane and into the world of spirit and magic. And I love this. Though, to be honest, I struggle with the adaptation of Halloween into a "month of horror and gore." Especially with a really sensitive child, I've had to change my routes to everywhere to avoid the rated R material on people's lawns (or I'll be getting "Mommy, I'm scared." knocks at 2am). Not to mention, I hate being surrounded by it myself. Halloween is about the slightly spooky and paranormal, not violence and terror. The fantasy aspect is so important. In a world with so much hate and violence, I don't want to step out and see horrors every day for a month. But that's just me. However you enjoy the season, we wish you well!
Rowan and T.S.
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About a year ago, I received confirmation that I had successfully severed my connection to my ancestors. This means that Samhain looks a little different for me.
I’ve almost always struggled with Samhain. Before shutting out my ancestors, I had made a few attempts at reaching out or honoring my ancestors during Samhain. It always felt stilted and inauthentic. There was nothing I wanted from them and it was hard to honor them when I knew that they were just...not good people. Over the years, my Samhain practices have changed. First, it became a season rather than a day. And, instead of focusing on my ancestors, I focus on myself, my relationship with spirit, and honoring the past year. It’s a time that I renew my spiritual practice. I spent time reconnecting with the Goddess and reaching out to my guides. I evaluate where I am and how much the spiritual has taken a backseat in my life. Because it always does. My life is busy and full of the mundane. This year it was full of job searches, virtual schooling, virtual teaching, research and studies, etc. The spiritual was something that definitely fell through the cracks this year. And I believe that is normal and OK. Samhain is a reminder to return to that. It’s a reminder of cycles. After Mabon, I pull whichever spiritually focused books that call to me. This year it was Circle Within by Dianne Sylvan, The Spiral Dance by Starhawk, The Earth Path by Starhawk, and The Sevenfold Journey by Judith Anodea. I try to spend at least 30 minutes daily reading one of these books and weaving them into my daily life. I’ve read them before, but I always learn something new. I’ve brought meditation and yoga back into my daily life as well. I’ve completely recreated my altar space. Samhain is about cycles, it’s a time to begin turning inward again. My Samhain celebrations honor me, where I’ve been, and where I’m going. And that feels more right and authentic to me than ancestor work ever did. Blessed Samhain, Rowan This year our family is celebrating Halloween a little differently. We’re going to stay in and watch movies (with candy and costumes, of course). Halloween movies are already a part of our immersion into the spooky season, so it won’t be a difficult change for us. Here are some of our family favorites: Rowan’s Favorite Family Halloween Movies Halloweentown (all of 4 them) I'm usually not into Disney Channel Original movies, but these are the exception. Sure, they're a bit cheesy, but they're still adorable, fun, and portray witches in a positive light. And, they star Debbie Reynolds! What's more, there are four of them (some are better than others and not all star Queen Reynolds, mother of Empress Carrie Fisher, but we don't have to dive into that here, I'll let you decide for yourself). #MovieMarathon Hocus Pocus "It's all just a bunch of hocus pocus..." and it is divine! One of my personal favorites! Who doesn't need some Sanderson sisters magic in their lives? No one. Sure, the witches may be the bad guys in this movie, but it's fun, hilarious, and a true classic. Bedknobs and Broomsticks This one is a classic and a throwback to my childhood. Another witch-positive flick full of whimsy and fun. The animation/live action blend is a little cheesy these days, but it's still one of my favorites. It takes place in Britain during WWII and follows the adventures of an apprentice witch, a con man, and 3 children. Mary and the Witch's Flower I am a huge anime fan and this movie did not disappoint. It's directed by Hiromasa Yonebayashi, who has also worked on multiple Miyazaki films (also staples in our home). This one is about a girl who obtains some strange and magical powers from a special flower and flies off to a magic school where she finds herself in the thick of an adventure. Hotel Transylvania (All of them) I can't tell you how much I love these. They're funny, they're clever, they're quotable, and the soundtrack is catchy. I also love the themes of family and friendship. We'll be watching these more than once this season. And there are three of them (and apparently another in the works to come out this next year)! #AnotherMovieMarathon The Corpse Bride OMG you guys, I love Tim Burton. Love. Love. Love. Paired with Danny Elfman? Perfection. *chefs kiss.* I was thrilled when this came out back in 2005 and I am still loving it. It can be a bit creepy for the itty bitties, though, so take care in making it your film for the evening. Bonus: The Rocky Horror Picture Show This one is probably not for the littlest of littles, but it's my personal tradition to watch this one on Halloween. Back before I was "Mom" and bundled up to usher my kiddo around the neighborhood, I was often dressed as "Columbia" on my way to the local theater. Fun times. This is not going to be something that everyone considers to be family friendly, so use caution before choosing this for family movie night. Rowan's Honorable Mentions This is by no means a comprehensive list of my favorite spooky films! I'm not much of a horror fan, so most of my Halloween season movie watching consists of family movies.
But if I were to list them all, we'd be here all day, and I've got momming and other things to do. So here's a list of some other films I love to watch around this time of year: The Nightmare Before Christmas - More Tim Burton and Danny Elfman. Frankenweenie - Ghost puppies? As adorable as it sounds! Coraline - Neil Gaiman is my hero, but my kid was too creeped out by this movie, so I have to watch it on my own. Monster House - This is a good "Scary transition" film. It's scary enough for kids to feel brave, but not so scary that the end up knocking on your bedroom door at 2am. ParaNorman - What kid can't relate to an extremely understood kid who feels like he doesn't belong? The BoxTrolls - A fun and slightly creepy adventure. About a year ago, I attended a Spiritual Gallery. The mediums were friends of mine and I was extremely excited about the experience. I hadn’t come with any particular outcome in mind. There wasn’t anyone in particular from whom I expected a message, no one in particular I wanted to reach out to. I had no expectations.
For the entirety of the event I sat and listened as others received messages from love ones who had passed. It was moving and humbling. By the end, everyone had received some sort of message, except for me. Strangely, I felt a low level of panic and frustration. I had come with no expectations, but somehow felt afraid that there was nothing for me. What if I had come here for nothing? All eyes turned to me as the hosts of the event asked “Is there anyone you were hoping to connect with?” I immediately felt as if I had done something wrong. I felt terrible, I didn’t want to be *that* difficult person who sits back, crosses their arms and says “so you’re a psychic medium? Prove it. Tell me what I’m thinking. Give me a message.” That wasn’t my intention. I had felt called to join this event, but was really unclear on what my purpose was. “No.” I answered, cheeks burning. I explained that my dad had passed a few years ago, but I truly felt that his soul had moved on rather quickly and he was now out of reach. I apologized, for not having a plan, for not being clear. They tried their best, but I could tell they were coming up with nothing. I felt horrible, as if I was making them look bad. Should I have not come? These were my friends and I felt as if I'd embarrassed them in front of their clients. Finally, my friend looked at me and said “I’m sorry, I don’t have anything for you.” The other medium asked me, “Have you shut yourself off?” I almost cried. That was exactly what I needed to hear. I had shut myself off. My family history is full of selfish, abusive, and just really not great people. I had never felt connected to them and I had been low key working on severing any connection for years. I felt as if they hadn't earned the right to have access to me, that my connection to them was tainted with their sins. I explained this to her in an unexpected gush of words and emotions and she smiled and said, “You are a cycle breaker. You really have successfully cut them off." I was relieved. Joyous, even. I drove home listening to Lizzo's “Good As Hell” on repeat. I felt free, as if I had just ended a burdensome relationship. And really, I had. I was feeling good as hell. I had never understood the need that people felt to be connected to their ancestors; to honor them, ask for their advice, or work for their approval. I felt no connection to my ancestors. I was ready to break the cycle. I am not my ancestors. I am linked to them through a series of coincidences and nothing more. I owe them nothing. I owe me everything. They don’t define me. I define me. I define me. I define me. And it’s my job to make sure that my child is able to rise above the sins of his ancestors and be a better person. To do that, I have to stop letting them influence me. It was time to let go. I am Rowan. I am a cycle breaker. I am the beginning of a new line. COVID-19 has made this spooky time of year feel so much scarier and not in the zombie jump scare kind of way.
The pandemic has made lots of people feel less safe trick or treating this year, so we thought it would be fun to come up with some alternatives. Here's what we came up with: 1. Trick or treat your own house and yard! Set up treat stations at every room. For younger kids maybe ask them to do a dance or sing a rhyme for a treat. Older kids can solve riddles Want more stations? Use your yard too! 2. Create a new family tradition. Perhaps make monster mash popcorn (add candy corn and skittles and crunchy noodles) watch your favorite Halloween movie. 3. Party with your pod! Do you have a "pod" you've developed through the pandemic? Have a party with them. Music, costumes and treats. If you're safe with people in your "isolation bubble" you could have a scavenger hunt outdoors followed by a bon fire. You might want to skip bobbing for apples this year, though. 4. BOO your neighbors. Make a treat and drop them off at your neighbors doors. Remember to wear a costume for more holiday spirit! Do it under the cover of darkness for a spooky (but pleasant) surprise. 5. Virtual Party! If you have Amazon Prime or Disney+, you can hold a watch party. This means that you can pick your favorite Halloween movie and watch it with friends and family when you're in separate homes. Pandora also has a similar function so you can even have a virtual dance party! Use your phone or tablet to chat and show off your costumes, treats, and decorations while you're watching/listening for a more connected experience. We hope you stay safe and enjoy this Halloween! T.S and Rowan So these are weird times, eh? Really weird.
If your kid is anything like mine, they are dealing with a bit of anxiety. Parenting is hard as it is and now we’re doing it in the middle of a pandemic. Where’s the manual for that? Seriously, most days I have no idea what I’m doing, I’m lost, and truly feel like I’m just making crap up as I go along. But I assume that most of you are, too. While I’m not a psychologist or a psychiatrist, I can tell you what we’re doing in our house to help with anxiety. 1. We walk every day, no matter what. Even if it’s raining, we get out and move our bodies. Sometimes it’s just once around the block. Sometimes we walk a mile or two. It depends on the weather and our energy level, but we always get out for at least a bit. I’ve been amazed at how much my kiddo opens up to me on these walks. It’s been really nice. 2. I got him some fidgets and squishable toys. One of the ways my kid’s anxiety manifested was in twirling his hair (right out of his head) and scratching. So I got him a few fidgets, but the big hits were the stress ball like toys. Just a heads up, some research out there says that these squishy toys off-gas and can be toxic so maybe keep their use to a minimum. My son keeps them at his desk and uses them for meetings. We had to find something else at night, so we got a stuffie that has a similar feel and is made out of another material. It’s called a Squishimallow and it’s been great for night time anxiety. 3. We made “Anti-Anxiety Spell Jars” together. Including him in the process was crucial. We loosely based it off of an idea I found on Season of the Witch. She has a ton of links for where to find jars and a lot of other great ideas as well. 4. Never overlook the power of getting help. If you think your child is experiencing anxiety, it’s probably a good idea to talk to their pediatrician. If anything, it will give you peace of mind and maybe some extra tools to help your child get through these times. 5. I also purchased a book for my kidlet called “Anxiety Sucks,” it’s an inexpensive, short read that walks the reader through what anxiety is, why they might be experiencing it, and techniques to help. It’s marketed towards trees, but I didn’t see anything in it that I find inappropriate for preteens. PCLS and authors are not medical professionals and cannot offer medical advice. If you or your child need help, please speak with a professional. This blog post and any other materials created by PCLS and authors is not a substitute for medical advice. I hope you're able to find some peace and relaxation during these times. Rowan Before we dive back into blogging, T.S. and I thought we should address something really important. We wanted to make a statement about our commitment to diversity.
After the publication of our first three books back in 2013, I got a call from T.S. She told me that she was looking over the prints and realized that we had overlooked something extremely important. Our books lacked diversity. We were mortified that we hadn’t even noticed. Unfortunately, the books were already printed and there was not much we could do about it at that point. In 2015 we changed publishers and were able to make some changes to our books. For these releases T.S. edited the art to include a more diverse group of children and adults. And when we finally released our fourth book, we tried to make sure that children from all over the world could see themselves represented somewhere in the pages. Last month, I was updating our website and found an old blog post featuring dream catchers that has now been deleted (here's why) we will replace it with something else, stay tuned. We’re still learning. We’re still calling ourselves out daily. But we’re doing the work. This is still something that we consider when creating our books and it is something that we will always consider. We recognize that pagans are a beautifully diverse group of people. We recognize that this diversity is not always found in race, ability, ethnicity, gender, class, and sexuality, but also in belief systems. We strive to honor that diversity in all we do for the Pagan Children Learning Series. Sometimes, we miss the mark. It’s going to happen, we’re human after all. But we will do our best and make corrections as soon as we realize we've made an error. Sincerely, Rowan and T.S. I’ve always been conscious of what other people thought of me. It’s how I was raised, my “reputation” and what other people thought was of utmost importance. Eventually, I grew a fear so deep, that my social anxiety was debilitating. Of course, over the years, I’ve gotten much better, but the fear is still there, lurking in the depths. Now, I am always telling my child not to worry what others may think. I try to show him how important it is to always be who you are and that who you are is of utmost importance. I show him by not criticizing what he wears, what he likes, or what he wants to do (as long as it isn’t a safety hazard). I also try and show him how important it is by being myself, truly myself, as often as I can. As a very young woman, before I became a mother, I let my freak flag fly pretty high, not caring who saw or what they thought. It was liberating! Sometimes, I think I might have taken it a bit too far, shoving who I was and what I believed into people’s faces. I was an activist, I’d go to protests, I joined multiple groups that “stood for something”. It was all very cliche college, but it felt wonderful. I became a mother on a military base. A liberal, vegetarian, Pagan mother on a military base. I had again perfected the art of hiding who I was, but this time it was to protect my ex’s job, and to make sure our life was comfortable there. Early on, after a few...let’s call them “discussions”, I learned that it wasn’t a good idea to let people know who I truly was or what I believed. I was also hanging out in the broom closet at family events, though living across the country from my family, there weren’t many of those. There was nowhere outside of my own home where I could be myself. Eventually I was no longer living on a military base, but the behaviors still stuck around, until I met some other Pagans in my new community. It was so nice to be able to let it all hang out! I was liberated again. At least, for a few years. Then, my son started school. I was struck by fear again. Surrounded by parents who, statistically speaking, most likely weren’t Pagan, and quite likely were fearful of Paganism. What was I supposed to do? Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t have a pentacle tattooed on my forehead, I don’t walk into rooms and introduce myself as “Rowan, the Witch” or anything, but there was a potential for “situations.” What if one of his classmates finds out and his parents won’t let him play at our house? What if they won’t let their children play with my son? What if my child becomes a victim of bullying due to our beliefs? It’s happened before, not to us, but I’ve certainly read plenty of those stories. What do I do when children at school bring up their Christian faith? What do I tell my son to say? What if he tells them that he’s Pagan? What if his teacher treats him differently? The list of questions goes on and on. Then, I became a Pagan author, and again, I was afraid. Afraid to put a face to my name, afraid to do public events. “But what about the crazies?” “What if someone finds out where I live and hurts my family?” “What if someone, so upset that I’m teaching Paganism to children, comes and gets violent at an event?” Today I saw a Facebook post that said “Fight the Fear! Be Pagan and Proud!” And my first thought was “Yeah! Show ‘em! Show ‘em there’s nothing to be afraid of!” And then I thought, “but not me. I can’t. There’s too much at stake.” Because I can’t just think of myself and my causes. I have to think about my son. I know, I know, “But Rowan, isn’t fighting the fear something you can do for your son’s future? So he doesn’t have to ask himself the same questions that have been circulating in your mind?” Yes. Yes, I know. I think about it all the time. But honestly, sometimes I’m not sure how. It’s very hard to crawl out of that shell, to step out of the closet. All I can do is take it, day by day, situation by situation. It’s all right to not broadcast everything about myself to everyone. And, I think, it’s all right to be a little afraid. It’s not all right that I have any reason to be afraid, but I don’t think it’s wrong to be afraid. I almost didn’t post this because I don’t have an answer. Heck, I don’t even have a lot of advice when it comes to this particular topic. I just want you to know that, if you feel this way, you’re not alone. I just wanted to open up a discussion about it. I want and need to talk about it. I’m slowly working through these feelings and trepidation. For example, we are doing public events this year and next, and we couldn’t be more excited. We hope to see you there! With love and bright blessings, Rowan It seems like anytime I hear something about practicing any form of Paganism, I hear about rituals. Rituals for the holidays, rituals for marriage, rituals for the phases of the moon, etc
All of these seem to be things that you do with a large group of people, or at a festival with other pagans. What about at home? Are there little rituals? Rituals to do yourself if you're a solitary? Is there a book on rituals and I just don’t know where to find it? Or am I supposed to just know how to make one because I am pagan? All of these questions are ones I’ve had for a long time, and I never really got any answers. but one of my favorite things about being pagan is that it is an everyday religion. This got me thinking that maybe its time to pay more attention to the little rituals that everyone naturally creates. Probably the best ones to use are bedtime rituals. Everyone has one (especially once you have kids). For us there are some variations (depends on who is home, day of the week that type of thing). But its all very standard: 1. Brush your teeth and get ready for bed. This ritual changing from day clothes to night clothes is so similar to changing into ritual clothes. It grounds us, we know this is the time to release the last energy of the day so we can sleep. 2. Choose your book (or if you don’t read books at night) a tickle fight, story, hugs etc. Building on that grounding in the first step. Also expressing thankfulness, for our day, each other and those powers that helped us through another day. 3. Goodnight kiss and turn out the lights. This is the end of your ritual, you kiss your little one or spouse and say your special words (lately mine have been some days you drive me nuts, but I love you so much. Yes, you do need to stay in bed...no, you already picked your clothes for tomorrow... no, your little stuffed monkey doesn’t need to go to your brother's room right this minute. Yes, the cat will be in later. Yes, I still love you very much... yes, daddy will be up in a moment.) With those words (however many there are) and the turning off of the light, you’ve closed the ritual and released the energy. You are calmer, you hope your children are as well and there is a wonderful peace within you. (For at least a second or two) well there is a reason we do it everyday. Another of my other favorites is the kids' morning ritual: From good mornings called across the house, to the great scramble for the bathroom in the morning, this ritual is not specific to our house. The pattern of who is in first and who is woken by getting tickled, and who lies in bed listening to the alarm clock. There is sometimes morning yoga (which consists of my rolling out mats, shooing cats off them then trying to convince my son that yes, he can touch his toes if he is willing to actually bend his waist) and usually ends in a wrestling match. There is breakfast and getting ready for the day. This bustle and building up of energy is what gets the day really going for us (sometimes with lots of annoyance, so I focus on the energy build). What about the ritual of making lunch or eating a meal together? Even sitting down to watch a t.v. show or movie. I’ve discovered that we have a little ritual for bicycle riding. What are your favorite little rituals? -T.S. I have always believed more in nature and balance than any particular deity. This means that the four elements are often represented in any rituals I use. Being a person who used the elements and nature as the basis for my beliefs helps my practice take on the form of a conversation.
This makes it difficult to really get across my form of paganism to kids who are all about fancy tea parties and Percy Jackson style heroes. Some days there just isn’t enough pomp and ritual for them. Then there is Gardening. There is something about a garden that makes it okay to be less formal. Perhaps it is simply that you must have physical contact, you must BE involved for a garden to grow. Well, whatever the reason, we have had a wonderful time learning, celebrating, and worshiping together in our gardens. “How does this inspire a love of gardening?” you might ask. Some kids are lucky, they dive right in, their hands are dirty and in and feeling and getting familiar right away. Some kids are shy of the earth. My son is one of those, he REALLY doesn’t like to get his hands dirty. However... he does like apples and blueberries and strawberries. So I gave my daughter and my son each their own little garden in the backyard. I had some iris that needed to be divided so I gave each of them some bulbs and showed them how to dig a hole and plant the bulb and at each step... I introduced them to the elements around them. “Good morning Earth.” I would say, “S and I are so thankful that you are letting us dig in you today. I have this lovely iris that we’d like to plant here. We’re going to clear away some of these weeds too, if you don’t mind.” To the weeds, we would also talk, “Hello Mr. Dandelion, I’m sorry we have to pull you out, we are planting this Iris here. You have tended the soil so nicely here, but now it’s time to come out.” We are lucky that we have a little composter in our backyard so we are able to start those weeds on another journey, one that will create a nutritious soil for their gardens. As I talked with the plants and the watering can and the wind and even the little bugs, eventually the kids started talking to them too. Soon I was able to step back a little and just answer their questions or help pull some weeds. Each year they have started caring a little more. They don’t really do much weeding or planting still, but they will go check on the vegetables and pull a weed now and then when they go by and I am always catching them saying a little something to those wonderful patches of soil. -T.S. |
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July 2015
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